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An
all volunteer, non-profit organization dedicated for over 30 years
to:
● provide a safe support and
social environment for all fathers who are gay or
bisexual ● act as a
referral and resource network ● promote community awareness
“Typically, when a married man
starts to face his truth of being
attracted to the same gender, he begins
the journey by coming out to himself and to a few trusted friends.
Often, he feels as if he were the only man in the world to experience
this process and the sense of aloneness is often nearly overwhelming. We
have discovered that the issues involved for a married man with children
are not identical to those faced by single men who begin the “coming
out” process. For the married gay man, there are often many more people
involved who are affected by his decisions. He must consider his spouse,
his children (and even occasionally, his children’s friends), extended
family and of course all of the folks in his life who may have been
clueless about his true identity and attractions (“He can’t be gay- he’s
married with children…”). This can be a somewhat painful process, and
yet nearly every man who has traveled this road says afterward that it
was the right choice for everyone involved.
Sometimes the process begins with an awakening as he s lowly begins to
face that which he may have not fully known. Others were aware of their sexual orientation but for various reasons chose to marry (often with
their wives fully knowing
the facts of the husband’s orientation). It has been our experience that
for many of these married men, there was some type of religious
background which caused them to feel “broken” and “damaged”. It is not
uncommon to hear stories of men with such religious backgrounds who have
gone to counseling or various groups for years on end, hoping to get
“fixed” or “healed”. For others, as they began the process of soul
searching which many face in middle age, they are forced to confront the
truth of their sexual attractions. They realize that to be authentic
human beings, they must face that which has caused them to retreat to
the corners of their souls.
The Gay Fathers Association of Seattle (GFAS) was formed over thirty
years ago in order to provide a safe forum and environment for gay or
bisexual fathers. In a supportive group setting, we meet to assist each
other in working out issues such as parenting, coming out, relationships
with wives, children, families, friends and our partners. We seek to
reach out to those gay men who are struggling with the issues of coming
out in mid life, and to also provide support to single or coupled gay
men who desire to become fathers. Many of our members have a history of
a former heterosexual marriage while others remain married. Through
shared experiences, we have formed a close community
that goes beyond the bi-weekly support meetings which are held at a
neutral location on Capitol Hill. Our monthly pot luck socials, book
discussion group, holiday events, various impromptu social activities
and our annual autumn houseboat trip provide camaraderie and an
opportunity to further explore what it means to be a gay father and a
gay man in today’s world. Over the years, hundreds of gay fathers have
come to the realization that they are, in fact, not alone and that there
are many other gay fathers that share their journey as each man
struggles to become his authentic self. We provide a safe and supportive
setting for each man to resolve his issues within his own personal time
frame, and stand with open arms toward those fellow travelers who share
our struggles and joys.
It seems that no two meetings are ever the same. While many members have
been associated with the group for decades, other men stay for a season
and then keep in touch via our website and Yahoo group. GFAS is an
all-volunteer organization, made up of men from literally all walks of
life and representing all age groups. We have members aged twenties to
eighties, which makes for a rich experience in sharing our lives with
one another”.
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