The majority of guys come to the group dealing with issues related to coming out. There is often shame for having failed our families in some way; and/or a feeling of isolation from a loss of a social and support network (friends, church, extended family) we had when we were married. The social activities sponsored by the group help guys reestablish a social support network. Much of what we do is oriented toward getting members to the point where they can like themselves again. It may seem selfish and irrelevant to parenting, but I strongly believe we can't be good parents if we don't like ourselves first.
Some members need an opportunity to vent about issues related to conflicts with their exes. I believe it is better to get these feelings out in our group meetings and deal with them than to express bitter feelings in the presence of the kids. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my ex, but it didn't happen overnight. My ex and I both harbored bitter feelings for the first few years after our divorce. I made a point of keeping my feelings from my children and continued to put effort into keeping the communications lines open. Time heals and we need to give our members time to heal, and a safe place to vent when they need it.
We have members who are not and may never wish to be publicly out. One of the primary tenets of GFAS is to respect the privacy and beliefs of the individual. There should be no expectation that all members will eventually divorce or 'come out.' What works for some or even most of our members is not going to work for all; we must allow each member to determine what works best for him and his children.
Many of our members quickly come to a point where they want to tell
the whole world they are ‘out and proud!’ If there are members who
want to make a public expression of pride and liking themselves as
gay men by participating in events like the annual Pride Parade, we
should support that. If we are truly proud of ourselves, why not
have a fabulous entry as an expression of that pride? Putting in an
effort to do my best and be the best is exactly what my dad taught
me to do and what I've tried to teach my children as well." - DJ